Black Angel

no longer do I feel
or now can I sleep
when I close my eyes
you are all I see

your love haunts me so
my heart left with you
I had to let you go
to see what you would do

still missing you so much
lonely tearful nights
losing all I had
no longer will I fight

you said I was a angel
but let them pull me down
left here tousled and dirty soul
cry out but hear no sound

once a glowing light
now dark tormented lust
numbness came over me
never will I trust

I will learn from the pain, leave here this I must.

Second

Maybe this won't hurt so bad, if I could just let go
My heart could just stop beating, and no one ever know
Running in a circle and, always pushed aside
So many nights of endless tears, no one there beside
Came to you with hurt, leaving me with blame
Stuck inside these childish fears, for this is your game
Feel cold as I run from my self, wish you understood
Needing to feel numb again, praying that I could
Tear now I pull away, the ones you want to see
Never first but always second is all I'll ever be.

Jaded

No more tears run down my face
no longer will I let them
All they show is fear of something I can never hold
I locked away this desolation
that no one will see
Nights of enervate feelings, so many times I'm told
I lost myself so far away
and desire shattered through
And no one even has a clue with this mask I escape
But you see through the mask of lies
fill my soul with beauty
Bring me back to my feet to face the man of rape
Trying to be strong again
fighting for a breath
my heart of love still broken down, jaded till then
I dance to your song to me
in the pouring rain
and maybe in another life, I'll find you again

Run

run baby run
she says inside
maybe because this
is how she'll survive
Away from what is safe
into darkness of unknown
trying to keep a pace
from herself she must go
leaving pictures behind
but faces in time
burnt in her thoughts
even tho she has tried
wanting to forget
scars from what she lost
not wanting to believe
in what is the cost
trying to leave
but still coming around
love of passion
crashing to the ground
hold me now
and tell me please
cause so heave tonight,
you'll neve give up on me

Remember

Your still here, so far away
yet you can't see my tears,
for love so audacious
taken over by these fears,
never free bound by sin
controlling words n song
left here open on the floor
my heart forever gone
paths that life leading to
now so far away
dreams that will never let go
of hope from yesterday

desolate

All she wanted is to open her eyes
But she is left here in this time
The love and lies
inside she cries
Not sure where to go
but knows she is alone
Broken looking up above
where is the one she loves
Knowing the smiles she see
is no longer from thee
haunting her dreams
will she ever be free
Left here flowing through time
so numb is left inside
Let go of what she wants
what she needs just taunts
taking away the best
her beating heart now at rest
So many nights she cries
But in love with all the lie
She wonders if he thinks of her
or is she nothing but a blur
Would he even sigh
if for him she died

Nothing

Hurt built inside
nothing left to hide
Thicken the air around
breathing I haven't found
Pain tormenting me
for my flesh it bleeds
And all that I know
is you had to go
Lust never lasts
living in the past
And all that's left of me
Nothing

Wanted

Where do I stand
Nothing to man
I look in the mirror
not knowing who's there
Just a flicker of a scarlet burn
Fear that I may never learn
All the smiles just to hide
How empty I am inside
Knowing secrets things I wish away
There all the same never can stay
Now in a race of who dies first
It will be me my veins will burst
As the blood starts to recede
no longer I can mislead
Write another heart that has no meaning
no one cares for out wordless screaming
as the life now slips from my eyes
once so vibrant now with terror dies
Not strong enough to walk away
But believe in me when I say
I wanted to be ok

Tears

No more tears
this pain must go
Back to this place
that no one knows
There is nothing
left of me
You took away
just let me be
All the lies
and games we played
No longer matter
you'll never stay
So I'm alone
I was before
My heart was crushed
left on the floor
I'm nothing more
then just a tool
I gave you all
I'm such a fool
Hate myself
as I stare
Who is this girl
in this mirror
Just leave me dead
your all the same
life now can stop
I hate this game
I'm not your love
and never was
So why the tears
just because
I fell for you
Stupid me
so hurt again
Just let me be.

.....

Night crept through my window,
as I lay awake.
Numb and jaded,
past love did break.

Deep inside I yearn for you,
to be with me tonight.
Body aches for your touch,
desires feeling so right.

Your passion burns my heart,
a storm in the sea.
Frenzied yet graceful,
energy abounds on thee.

Soft breaths on my neck,
words I crave to hear.
Bodies together so close,
wanting more that I fear.

Our desires almost unbearable,
your tongue indulging in cravings.
Touching every part of me,
my love your were saving.

Bring me more pleasure,
then I 've ever known.
Kisses gentle yet demanding,
heat of fervent is shown.

Moving together in rhythm,
flows of passionate wave.
Soft cries can be heard,
his love I'm his slave.

You taste the essence of my body,
as we dance upon the flames.
Feeling the heat of your orgiastic,
as we play this dangerous game.

Then I awake to another day,
Feeling still in my heart.
Memories of another dream,
Awake must be apart.

Never have

Sweet little secret together we share
Where we slip away
Precarious but can't help myself
wanting you to stay
Moment for us in perilous love
Such a helter-skelter love affair
Tonight I give you all of me
unguarded how do i dare
So beautiful you make me feel
as I am so free
Your lips kiss me ever so soft
and close your holding me
But your not mine and soon will leave
as the sun brings a new day
Why do I do this to myself
your so close but far away
Can't stop these tears that fall tonight
consumed by all you are
and sorrow fills my broken heart
as I must love from afar
Maybe someday for me you would be
now lust soon turns so sad
Why did I do this to myself
wanting something I can never have

Dreams

So far away you are right now
but every night we meet
In that place when I close my eyes
and away from life I cheat

Escaping from reality
where you forget my name
In this place of sweet dreams
and our feeling are the same

Where I am free and loved
and you hold me in your arms
I feel so safe my sweetest dream
and protected from all harm

Our love is innocent and you have me
and you I do not share
We play our games, all through the night
In this time we do not care

Your soft warm breath on my skin
You explore every inch of me
And take me to that place again
where you are ecstasy

Never want to wake
but it always comes around
and again will see you in my dreams
where you are always found

holding on so ever tight
as you are slowing drifting away
and then the sun comes up again,
and then I am awake :(

Hate

I'm angry for the things you do
that always make me cry
I hate the way you drive your car
like any other guy

I'm mad about the words you say
that now wont leave my mind
And hate the things you did for me
that were so sweet and kind

It pissed me off on that day
when you walked away
and knowing it's for the best
and knowing you could not stay

I hate that I am sitting here
and thinking of only you
We are just friends we both agree
but my heart is still so blue

And now I am so angry
cause you woke up my heart
and made me feel special, and alive
knowing we'd be apart

I hate you for so many things
your smile, and funny jokes
Your back rubs, and the way you talk
and send smiles in little notes

I hate your hugs so very much
but more how they make me feel
And even tho we are just friends
my heart you did so steal

I hate how I really DON'T hate you
and loved you for so long
and you don't even feel the same
and now you just are gone :(

Slow Dance

Swept away into the night
we ran together
Friends not know whats ahead
but tonight we were lovers
So safe I was
with my hand in your
My heart racing
our souls free to soar
lost in forever
feeling us close to
where all of me
was only for you
Tonight so cold
and black is the sky
But I'm slipping away
tasting passion in your eyes
The sun was coming
out night was to end
wishing for time to stop
for me life would send
I wish you to hold me
that I may never stray
Safe in your arms
slow dance the night away.....

Wolf

Dusk bled into the night
Moon showing itself so bright
Creeping in my veins it runs
Something inside with the setting sun
What is this feeling starting slow
Breath so much hotter blood burning my soul
Eyes darkening this bursting with speed
Muscles growing knock me to my knees
Air now filling with so many scents
Craving flesh in me it torments
Bursting with speed howling at the moon
Must get control for someone will be dead soon
Silently from the woods I then emerge
Quivering body in this painful surge
Hidden from sight I watch over you
Across the rooftops my stalking anew
Captivated by your scent I watch from afar
Scared for what I'd do to you my heart now a scar
Forever trapped alone this is my cures
In your haunting nightmares only making it worse
My desire for your hunt my darkness be your name
Now chasing after you forever is my game.

Winter Nights

Beautiful cold winter night
Snow still dusting the ground
Snuggled in my bed
For a moment safe and sound

Waiting for sleep to come
Where you are waiting for me
feeling your arms warm and strong
Holding me while I sleep

Your fingers run through my hair
Feeling the warmth of your soul
Your eyes so deep and alluring
In this moment I feel whole

For here I'm only yours
Safe and finally free
How much joy you bring to me
I wish that you could see

Love these moments with you
My fears they drift away
Barely breathing letting go
Here I wish to stay

Dream

Staring at the flickering of the flame
strong, deeply burning
it's glowing endowed
Beauty captivating
It's warmth fills my heart
fluttering wanting to touch it
to make it mine
It's enchantment calling me
hypnotized by it enkindled colors
feeling joy run through my soul
romanced by the passion
Escaping in it beauty
mesmerized by it's tantalizing
dancing around my finger tips
glow that has me so enthralled
Till I feel the burn.. I'm awake

White sand

Laying here in this silence
Frozen emotions
Broken, with thoughts of you
And in my darkness there you were
How addicted I became to you light
Warmth like a flame
Your love so dangerous like fire
Burning in me
Craving your touch
Relentless and sensuous
Don't stop not even to rest
Feel the warmth of your breath against my skin
Whispering words I longed to hear
For every I love you
like rain for the trees
Every kiss bestowed upon me
Every glance in my direction
like flame to the fire
Every moment in your arms
Joy with out measure
Escaping life as I rest on your chest
Love that we have in our sacred hidden place
Temptation is urging at my thoughts
knowing this is where all innocents is lost
Melted by your beautiful soul
I stand amid thee roar
How you devour me
leaving my naked soul
wanting this night to never end
Fear it will be our last
as if our love is like the white sand
through my fingers I can not grasp
You stole my heart unto the night
Moments I share with you
So close but so far away
Thinking of you
wishing for you to be close to me
whispering that you miss me too

:]

So long since I have fallen
think I'm on my way
Knowing you will catch me
even tho you are away
But when you look into my eyes
and pull me o so near
Whisper soft I love yours
as you nibble on my ear
You make me feel so beautiful
fill me with so much joy
And want you to understand
how special you are boy
I'd like to mean as much to you
as you have been to me
So close you eyes and in your dreams
I will always be
Maybe it's the way
you get me like you do
And the way you make me feel
P.S. I love you too :]

Thoughts

Peaceful in the night
So far away
Stars glistening on my skin
Often where I drift away
Your still on my mind
Haunting my thoughts
while I long to feel your
arms holding me
Wishing to wake to find you here
But I am alone
Lying here with only thoughts of you
Smelling you on me
Tasting your lips on mine
Holding on to what I need to let go
Why am I here alone
You must have been mine
somewhere in time
I wish upon the stars
in hopes someday
we will be
together we are
only in a dream....

Heal

You had me with your smile
That time we first met
Becoming friends, and memories
of times before you left
Always by my side
as I walked down this path
And now all I have of you
is when I am looking back
It wasn't long enough
The time I had with you
Now I'm still stuck here
My heart feeling so blue
Your arms are so strong
I still can feel
Rapped around me tight
And how they made me heal....

Never to be

It finds me
when I can’t see
a fight inside
hurting me by
your fading bind
Trying to find
whats left alone
you still own
wish you could stand
and hold my hand
you just walked away
When I needed you to stay
I will do this on my own
every night I am alone
But you no longer care
your place was never there
your love was just a lie
and left my heart to die
you killed a life
uncovered eyes
walls that once was tall
somehow you tore them all
now I cry
from inside
nothing you hear
leave me in my fear
for how can I end
what never began
for what were we
never to be
so how am I not free

Nine Months

Nine months have come and gone,
O how time does fly.
And I can't feel you no more,
and I don't hear no cries.
I knew this day would come,
but really had no clue.
How much my heart would hurt inside,
cause I was missing you.
Your little feet would kick my ribs,
and nights I could not sleep.
Wondering what you would be like,
and many times I weeped.
I loved to feel you move,
and hiccup all night long.
Enjoying every minute of you,
knowing in time you'd be gone.
There would be no more nights,
where I lay and feel you move.
Now just left here feeling sore,
and nothing here to sooth.
My time with you was so very short,
but I hold it in my heart.
The snuggles, kisses, and little coos,
in me they'll never part.
So now I 'm just here,
So many tears I've cried
feeling scared and so alone,
and feeling empty inside.
In time this will not hurt so bad,
and stronger I will be.
Because I love you so so much,
that I'm your Birth mommy.

...

No longer do I want to wake up
not sure why I do
nothing left but pain
so tired of the game
tired of being left
laying here waiting for the numbness to start
come over me now I cry
Keep me from feeling this anymore
Noise all around but
nothing do I hear
All their hurt stabs me like this knife
that now drips of my blood
red like a rose but poisoned
from my wickedness
becoming my only help
now as it gets dark, I feel
so peaceful, time stopping
Quiet, moments of beauty
feeling free, in the night
you come awaking my broken heart
the warmth of your arms saving me
I close my eyes and fall deep
then time ticks again
and I awake again to my pain
Another day

Dead

So long I have been so numb,
Laying, stuck in a dream
as time keeps going
wishing for it to stop but I keep breathing
so many ways I think of
so that I may not wake up
when did I drift to this place
where I not know of hope
waiting for life to seep through and carry me away
wanting everything to stop
I'm suffocating, and so cold
nothing here just a soul drifting away
waiting for you to come to me
then I can open my eyes again

Rain

It's still raining
and I can't breath
So much easier
to just stay asleep
When will I not fear
and let myself be
I that place again
where I can be free
And love you with all I am
and afraid to leave this place
easier to not feel
Missing joy but not the pain
Afraid to ever step out of the rain

Alone

I just don't understand
How can you walk away
leaving everything
everything you wanted
worked for
created
how can you
first the pain was more
more then I could take
wanted to end it all
needed peace
to become numb
everything around
here alone
hurting
how could you do this
wiping the tears off there cheeks
holding them
hurting with them
as we just watch you walk away
and I know
I have failed
I hurt you
I love you
but now I am just here
numb
floating
my heart is gone
sole crushed
nothing left
but a shell
how could I let you go
now I much
keep us ok
my babies cry
I hold them
tell them
alone is ok

The End

The darkness
inside of me
Filling fast
now I can't see
I feel the night
against my skin
Hearing my pain
feeling within
Slowly I am
Losing control
Drifting away
down so low
Empty inside
nothing left
Soon the coming
of my last breath
This world I
will not miss
When lies the end
with one last kiss
I ask myself
with weakening sighs
No answer comes
regret pass by
Stepping back
into my pain
I can not view
nor can I gain
Close my eyes
wait for the end
Where I will feel
Peace again.

Girl in the mirror

I see this girl in the mirror
The story she tells in her eyes
So much hurt she holds inside
She smiles with all she has left
Tears run down her face
Feeling bottled inside
Secret disguised behind the lies
She wants so bad to just let go
So tired and wanting to sleep
They all think she is strong
But Behind these innocent smile
So much words left unsaid
Strong girl keep you stuff in line
She not a doll for you play
A piece of her is gone
Taken away when she was so young
Emptiness he left her with
Her innocents he stole
a child, did not deserve this
Her pleas and fears
Just breaks my heart
She screams inside
Never will be free
Its time to just let go
She sighs as she closes her eyes
All she wants to be
Is free

Manic

Hearing the cry
Knowing that pain
tears falling
alone
inside
trapped to feelings
unable to control
fear
so well I know this place
and can’t help her out
my heart breaking
how can I save her
free her
she’s so far away
but here in my arms
holding her screams
fighting fright
the pain is
over welling
but
reminds us
we are alive
bearly
suffocating
by the anxiety
voices
screaming
awful things
thoughts
leave me
dark all around
trying to find
the light
feeling so tired
giving up would be
to easy
running in circles
till I want to give in
fighting for strength
Becoming stronger
together we will
survive