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Second Chance
by Lilmomma Susanne on Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 2:33pm ·

From within the circle, we talk about the past, I hear cries, screams of hopelessness, friendships of those I thought would last, aching for the arms of a loved tho time too short, questions left more piercing than a knife. Oh, the questions come hauntingly, pressing in my mind and my story becoming nothing but a circle of pain, struggle of names, and no more future and what I thought it would be, regrets, just regrets of was the key, heart of anger labeled a senseless death, for freedom was as I wait was last breath. Stillness came, as fear subsided, all went dark peace as I sigh, I lay there still, tears now stopped, close my eyes feeling dropped......... In this darkness there was not any need, no more calling, no more screams, no more having to figure out how, heart did not feel, soul as peace, just rest, no longer had to be me.......

I woke up?

So what does this mean?

fear of consequence I now must pay

But there is a son today, still me......

Yesterday

Yesterday is began with a email that lead to a call.... A call better then any call I have ever answered.... The voices in the background took my breath away.

So quickly I got ready, for yesterday I saw the most beautiful angel my eyes would ever see.

The moments now left in my head, and the memories will be mine forever....

Yesterday forever I hold in my heart :)

The End

staring up at the stars in the blackness
feeling nothing but the pain I can no longer handle
throbbing through my chest
taking over everything that once was me
closing my eyes, drifting into space
where the darkness consumes me
pleading again to be numb
as my body turns to dust
my cheeks feeling wet
as tears now fall from my eyes
having no control
no hope to end this
wanting nothing more but a way out
to end this ever lasting nightmare
my tears of red now soaking into the earth
as my being starts slipping away
my breath is shallow
weakness controls me
and forever I am alone

Another poem I did in my sleep.

a heart of ice what is now
hurting everyone around
the way your eyes showed me there pain
cause I could not say the same
they say i don't even try
and to myself i do lie
you fight and burn for my love
soaring towards the like a dove
but all i do is stop the wind
and kill the life that is with in
lost my love long ago
and you all tell me time to grow
I can not fight now so cold
emptiness is what I hold
Why do you say you’ll fight for love
like it’s a gift from above.
my soul is numb and heart cold
nothing left for you to hold.

Black Angel

no longer do I feel
or now can I sleep
when I close my eyes
you are all I see

your love haunts me so
my heart left with you
I had to let you go
to see what you would do

still missing you so much
lonely tearful nights
losing all I had
no longer will I fight

you said I was a angel
but let them pull me down
left here tousled and dirty soul
cry out but hear no sound

once a glowing light
now dark tormented lust
numbness came over me
never will I trust

I will learn from the pain, leave here this I must.

Second

Maybe this won't hurt so bad, if I could just let go
My heart could just stop beating, and no one ever know
Running in a circle and, always pushed aside
So many nights of endless tears, no one there beside
Came to you with hurt, leaving me with blame
Stuck inside these childish fears, for this is your game
Feel cold as I run from my self, wish you understood
Needing to feel numb again, praying that I could
Tear now I pull away, the ones you want to see
Never first but always second is all I'll ever be.

Jaded

No more tears run down my face
no longer will I let them
All they show is fear of something I can never hold
I locked away this desolation
that no one will see
Nights of enervate feelings, so many times I'm told
I lost myself so far away
and desire shattered through
And no one even has a clue with this mask I escape
But you see through the mask of lies
fill my soul with beauty
Bring me back to my feet to face the man of rape
Trying to be strong again
fighting for a breath
my heart of love still broken down, jaded till then
I dance to your song to me
in the pouring rain
and maybe in another life, I'll find you again